I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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