JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
