maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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