I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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