Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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