no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
