My sheets look like a crime scene.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
no, he came in my armpit
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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