I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
