my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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