Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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