That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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