Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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