I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
