you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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