We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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