i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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