Someone shit on the floor
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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