My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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