i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
