and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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