My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
