I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
