it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
