Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The air was thick with penises
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
