I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
