drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
