dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think i have herpe
just one?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
