Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
