I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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