So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
