who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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