If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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