Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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