currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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