Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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