the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
