do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
