when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
