he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
