you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
