i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
