we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
