I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
