watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
