Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
