I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
