dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
