Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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