hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Terrible idea I love it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
