I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
