He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
