3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
