have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
