Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
